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I remember watching Marley & Me at the tender age of eight and wondering why the Grogan couple got a dog to prepare for kids. It confused me when Jennifer Aniston groaned, “If I can’t even keep a plant alive, how am I ever going to keep a baby alive?” after overwatering a tiny houseplant.
Surely taking care of plants and pets was easier than raising kids? Tiny me thought. Plants only need water and sunlight. Pets only need food and water and play. That’s nothing like changing diapers or sending kids to school or being emotionally healthy enough to not cause trauma upon your children.
Now that I have a pet of my own, I totally get what they meant.
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Like kids, pets are living creatures that depend on us for their basic needs. Pets have specific needs that need you to invest time and effort in, too. One immediately finds their hands full when first bringing a pet home. You then realize it’s not enough to just give them food and water. They need play time. They need attention. They need a safe space to be the energetic, carefree animals that they are. But a lot of the time, much like parenting, people choose to get a pet without first sitting down and really thinking about it.
This isn’t my family’s first time having a dog. We have had some dogs in the past, but, as tough and as shameful as it is to admit, we weren’t the most responsible pet owners back then. We didn’t have enough research on how to properly raise a dog. We didn’t invest in them as much as we should have. Like many dog owners in the country, ours were only tied to the gate outside on a leash, not getting enough exercise and TLC that they needed.
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This is a familiar pattern: replicating from our experiences and not learning beyond what we know. While there are plenty of responsible pet owners around, there are also still those whose pet ownership is just that. Ownership. They’ve got pets in their homes but these pets are in cages or leashes all the time, prevented from playing, running around, and being their natural selves. This kind of pet owners probably learned from looking at other pet owners around who do the same thing. And because their pets are looking a-okay from this style of caretaking, they don’t bother to change their ways.
We see the exact same thing with parenting. Many parents care for their kids in the ways they’ve experienced or seen others do: harsh reprimands when the child does something wrong, shouting “stop crying!” when they have tantrums, and other things that cause generational trauma.
The examples I mentioned are not exactly what one would call abuse. But if the goal is to steer away from that road towards abuse and neglect, then this parenting style—for both pets and kids—must change. Let’s focus on the pet side.
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My brothers and I had a stern talk together before adopting the dog we currently have. This time, we made sure to do our research: how to potty train him, how much is enough to feed him during meal times, how to leave him alone at home for the first time, what zoomies are. We bought him multiple collars and toys to prepare. We set out a schedule for his walks. We dog-proofed the house to make sure no accidents occur. And then we waited—anxiously, on my part—to finally have him.
I honestly had a lot of second thoughts on whether or not we should adopt a dog. I did not want a repeat of our experiences with our previous dogs. I was scared that it wasn’t the right time for our family to care for one, what with our hands somewhat full with responsibilities. I was afraid that the dog would not be comfortable with the sudden change of environment, leaving his previous family to live with a new one. But my brothers and I have wanted a dog for so long now. And so even despite my nerves, we went through with the adoption.
Brows, our newly adopted Aspin!
Our dog, Brows, has been with us for four months already. I’ve learned and am still learning a lot on how to properly care for him. One of the biggest achievements I’m most proud of is finally potty training him after so long! He’s been revenge-peeing on our beds for months when he feels rebellious and it always drives us frustrated. We now have that situation moderately under control through the help of online resources from dog trainers. My Instagram feed has currently been filled up with all sorts of dog-training content that I watch and read from time to time. They’ve definitely helped me understand Brows’ behavior better.
It's doing stuff like this that makes caring for pets so similar to having kids. You realize that both require a lot of time, energy, dedication, and commitment from their (fur)parents as their caretakers. It is absolutely not their fault if they are not the “well-behaved” and “well-mannered” kids or pets that one expects them to be. It is in their nature to be playful; it is the parent’s job to monitor and adapt to these behaviors.
Pets aren’t just cuddly Christmas gifts. “Baby fever” is impulsive. While everyone around you immediately jumps the gun on having either pets or kids, I hope you take the time to sit and really think about how you should care for the little companion you want to bring into your home and your life.
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